Cutting the grass with bricks

Tom Nardone

Of all my friends, Brody was also the laziest person I knew at least when it came to chores he was given to do. His father instructed him to get the grass cut. Brody said no problem Dad, can I do it tomorrow morning when it is not so hot outside. Brody’s dad was so pleased that he was willing to do it without any drama that he said sure that would be fine. I knew the minute he spoke he was up to something. Brody never just accepted requests that his dad made of him.

That night Brody and I were roaming around his neighborhood, but before we made it home, he stopped in a neighbor’s yard, and stole three rocks out of their front flower bed. He then went to his own yard and started strategically placing them into the tall grass that he was to cut the next day. On the last rock he placed a dog chain on top of it. I have no idea where he found a dog chain. We went back inside and went to bed.

The next morning at around 8am Brody woke up very excited. He said “Come on Tom, I have to cut the grass” His excitement was not anything to do with cutting the grass, or helping his father. His excitement was 100% driven by the hope that his preparation would reward him with the warm feeling that he would get by destroying his dads lawnmower. Before Brody went outside to get started he looked right at me and softly said “I am so excited about this that I could hardly sleep last night. I just hope the lawnmower starts up for me.” He did not even tell his dad he was getting started. I asked Brody before he started the mower “hey shouldn’t you let your dad know that you are getting started?” and I am not kidding when I tell you that this was his reply. He said “NO, because if my dad is up out of bed he will be out here as soon as he hears me hit the first rock. If he is in bed still, then there is no way he will make it out here fast enough. I put out three rocks and I plan to hit them all”

Well, the lawnmower did start-up, and on the very first pull of the rope. Down the driveway he went. He was as happy as he ever was. He made the turn and began mowing the lawn. This was the first time I ever saw Brody doing any real work that was not vandalism. He was all the way to the end and then he turned around for the second pass. He got about half way down the yard and then with a giant smile he waved at me to signal that he was going to hit the first rock.  CRACK!!! I couldn’t believe how loud it was and how long it was lasting. It threw pieces of rock all over the yard. Pieces of it were hitting the house. Brody then began to go much faster. I did not understand, at the time, why he felt the need to mow faster. He later told me that he did not realize that it was going to be so loud, and he did not want his dad waking up before he could hit the rest of the rocks in the yard.

Brody at a quicker pace now was going for the second rock. He hit the rock but it was a little too big for the mower to go over it. Brody just pushed down on the handle to bring the front wheels up higher, then moved forward, and came straight down on the rock. CRACK!!!! With the mower up higher and the rock being bigger, it threw probably twice much as the first. I was a good 100 feet from the mower, and two pieces of it hit me in the leg. It sounded like the house was being machine-gunned. The lawn mower at this point sounded a little different. Something was wrong.

Brody then made the third U-turn to begin the fourth run. He quickens his pace yet again. He no sooner began this final run when his dad came flying of the house. I assume what he was saying was yelling, but it just sounded like a man whining at the top of his lungs. He ran across the front yard to stop Brody. He did not get there in time. Brody hit the third rock. This was the rock that had the chain on top of it. When he hit it, CRACK!!! and then, dead silence

Brody’s dad grabbed him and tried to shake him. He then kicked him in the ass so hard that he fell down. His dad said “get your stupid ass in the house you are grounded for the rest of the summer!!” Brody pretended to cry and then ran into his mother telling her how he just wanted to surprise them when they woke up, by having the grass cut. She hugged him up, and said “Brody, you are a good boy. You didn’t mean to do that I will make your father apologize you just sit here and I will go talk to him.”

Brody watched through the window as his dad took what I think might have been the ass chewing of his life. Brody was laughing so hard he was crying. The lawnmower never ran again.